hey.

today marks something special for me. it's the first milestone i had with her. through everything that the past year has conjured up while the missus is together with me. it's amazing how she can withstand me, with all my silly whims and what-nots.

she understands that i ain't perfect, thus so all the misgivings and conflicts arise. not every single memory is embedded and etched into my mind of what you do, but they made their mark. truely, everything about you is significant.

all that you had done in my life.
every detail, every word.
every lesson you made me learn.
it gave me a reason to appreciate you so much more than before.
may God allow us.
i won't give you up for anything here.

as if life isn't more than what it is. God gave me a reason last year to thank Him for the very thing this year again.

you.
i love you.

whatever.

if correcting means condemning,
and guiding means controlling,
and instruction meant that your will is being bended to comply another's,

then everyone would have been manipulated silly. pushed down sanity is not called their own. and their purpose in life is only to fulfill another's purpose.

how sad.

we all can think, respond, react, shout out, analyse, give pause, to things plausible. but we always stand corrected when we thought we're bigger than we actually were. shoving it all down.
don't try what you can't do but you think you can. seek the right consultation today. seek God.

the world's always a better place without critics.

mood.

not exactly feeling good today. i have a real problem and there's nothing i can do to solve it. feel like kicking myself up against the wall.

maybe many of you reading this right now should think that my problem isn't that big a deal and God will deliver me through. i do believe God will deliver me through. just that i can't see the changes yet. call me impatient, but i really do hope He'll pull me up from this. it's probably His grace that i'm clutching onto nowadays. going through the system everyday, the helplessness always overwhelms me.

i can't do a damn thing about it. only He can. if people don't wake up and realise the grave they're digging is literally swallowing them in including those around them, that's just a pathetic excuse. i'll be outta this soon, but right now i need to be angry to feel justified. don't bother putting yourself in my shoes coz i know all of you out there have sizable problems which will make mine look like crap compared to yours.

so don't compare. i didn't tell you to.
i really can't care less.

if you bother, please pray for me. if not, just treat this as a bad post you've read. sorry.

life is purgatory here. don't bother telling me that it'll be ok. you're not God.

beyond.

many things make us stand out apart from the world. our appearance and style, our dress sense and verbal knowledge, our talents and our persona. each of this defines a difference visible enough to tell one from the other. we're constantly living our schedules, having finished one only to engage into another. the social system never ends.

whether we're just another one inside the pack wandering about aimlessly, heading off to a misleaded direction without purpose, or we're one of the natural leaders moving ahead and expecting everyone to carry your trend and follow you. the world's about the background and the foreground. you're either it or not. everyone plays a part in making things happen.

a show can't run on its own with just the actors and without the crew folks.
a symphony can't perform with just the conductor and without the band.
a party with the quests and not the host.

the above may not be a good analogy, but to me i see what matters. if both don't compliment each other chances are the whole deal's gonna bust. its not an issue of who leads or who follows, but rather who is willing to assume responsibility and who is willing to submit. we can do so much more if we obey and believe.

don't be limited by your limits.
borders is what our eyes see.
beyond is what God make our eyes see.

define me.

think i find myself challenged in alot of ways recently. when nothings works well or goes right i get really pissed. or frustrated. not at the fact that how matters turn out to be but at myself at the lack of preparation in details, or simply it happens which is beyond my level of control.

its the reality of things which wakes people up to action. when there isn't a reason to execute something, we simply don't bother. maybe it's just a matter of the the attitude impromptu. when a wrong happens, most of us will probably think like this. (or maybe just me.)

our fingers never stop pointing.
criticism never ceases.
"none it is that's ever our fault."
"guilty party? not now, never is, and never will be me."
"mistakes? never heard of 'em."
the inability to accept.
the immaturity to confess.

everyone's a critic nowadays. sheesh.

around not.

has really been some time since i've last posted anything in here. events of past too many to mention and don't think anyone would be interested to see me rant my head off, so i'll just summarize.

had a series of duties, went to see some nice fireworks with the missus, did a bbq on on of my peeps' bdays overall, the whole deal is pretty enjoyable. what passed my mind as the many words of what i have to say, i can't remember them all.

makes me realise that whenever i speak my mind in here, it'll serve as a record of what i had done and it makes me remember things. good ones, bad ones. i'm just glad that i'm still around to be doing them. attention always calls to the things that i take note of more, and that's the people i engage with in the days, making the best out what i can salvage when negative things happen. it's not the people that make the day bad, but their personal moods which they can't really handle. they can't inplode so they explode. lolz. i'm still learning to deal with myself in a more sane manner everyday.

time is worthwhile when you're doing worthy things.

lost time.

making up for what i've did not during the past days when the com wasn't available to me, i just can't pass up on the opportunity. so many things happened now and then, but they were mainly good ones, such that i like to write up about and share it. not to those who are not interested to read, but for my itch of my silly typing-tendency.

i'm pretty nonchalant nowadays. wonder if my mind's degenerating into a state where i can't even identify what i must do and what's simply a fine waste of time. i'm beginning to heck things more than ever, and i know its just a pathetic excuse for me not to get my act right. basically i'm not feeling very good recently, maybe its just the occurrence of the events thats happened so far neutralizes or rather, numbs the restlessness in me.

life is a roller-coaster. how utterly agreeable am i to he who defines what life is to him. sure, it has its ups and downs, fast and slow moments, but at the end of the ride, it stops.
cut shortly, it ends there.
nil.
zlitch.
full stop.
no more.

for me, the end of this ride is the beginning of another. the ride of eternity into His King's glory,
to the next ride.

places.

i love traveling to new places. what of i see as a commodity to me is pure comfort, but its the new that makes me explore and excite me. i'm always full of anticipation when i get to go somewhere that's uncharted in my norm physical route of streetwalking.

i'll love to go backpacking. i can experience new cultures and make new friends. new potentials for His word to be shared. customs which is in contrast to my own, lifestyles and habitual routines which is not mine. i wanna see what others do that i don't in other places. what is a delicacy to them may be as something repulsive to me. what the wrong i do may be right to them. i wanna see.

we may be living under the same sky, but we sure are different. kinda boring. it'll probably be scary even if i see another of me. thank God He's creative. He didn't make you me. big relief.

thank You Jesus.

You.

You.
the everything i wanted.
who would not falter.
who does not fail.

You.
everyday is your canvas.
painted a bright hue of big yellow and blue.
your signature exists everywhere.

You.
made me see the art in me.
that of not what i see i am.
but of what more can i be.

You.
gave me thy precious beyond life.
promises made and not broken.
those not loved You loved more.

gave me Your all.

You.

Jesus inspired.

Lord my savior Your name be praised.
all my life and all my days,
in Your house Lord may i dwell,
and Your mercy i will tell.

to the world Lord use me wholly,
for Your kingdom and Your glory,
blessed Jesus, let it be,
keep Your guidance over me.

sweet Jesus take me by,
each new day with peace i'll thrive.
though i toil and drag in pain,
Lord Your glory i'll attain.

lest one day Lord, when i'm old,
broken-hearted, lone and cold,
lift my eyes Lord, that i may see,
beyond my tears Lord set me free.

Jesus Inspired. thru God who breathes into me.

today.

today's gonna be a great day. gonna meet my old time mates whom i didn't see since we've graduated. its nice to meet up once in a while and share about reminiscence.

fellowship is a powerful tool. great things can happpen in small numbers. either for good or for bad i guess. people meant the world to me. they're the reason i keep praying to God for, to be with them that He can use me for their sole salvation. i can't do it instantaneously, but in my small ways i know God uses me to impact them.

i'm not giving my friends up.
as long as there's still one day God permits me to live.
as long as there's still life in my being and strength in my bones.
as long as my mouth's not muted to speak.
i'm not giving you guys up.
God loves you all too much to do so.

undignified.

had a great time at the service today. as always it is really that good, today isn't an exception i think. but noteworthy enough for me to bother to post it. sometimes, we could do everything right outwardly but if our heart contradicts our actions which may seem righteous, the purpose is lost. then it'll just be a sad show we play to gain man's attention.

credit due to Him is discounted.
integrity compromised.
pride seeps in.
exaltation of oneself begins.

i don't care what people see me at the service everytime. i'm jumping awkwardly, singing out of tune, working up a sweat, behaving like a kid in an adult's body, and i'm enjoying every moment in my Father's house.it's none of their business anyway. i may be undignified and looking silly, but i'm giving it all for my King. He deserves so much more.

i pray that my actions compliments my heart not just every weekend but everyday. that's integrity.

tired.

just got back from my guard duty yest. couldn't really sleep coz i'm not a vampire-wannabe lolz. church's starting in a few hours. i'm physically drained, mentally dull and my reflexes are slipping.

time's slipping away like water moving down a stream. everything is moving at a pace i can't appreciate. suddenly, things happen. people change. some discreetly, some with a big hoo and a ha. people keep telling me to move with the flow, to take things as they already are as i can't change them the way it is. there's alot of things to be seen, but there's also alot of things i'd rather not know.

sure i know i can't. it's the way things are defaulted out to be. but i know someone who can. He makes anthills out of what we see our problems and issues as mountains. He makes what's impossible to man possible again.
He's in a league outta me, but am i ever so glad i'm on His side.

the supernatural.
the miracle-worker.
the way.
the truth.
the life.
the one.

Jesus Christ.

"knowledge of wisdom saves one's life from himself and makes us wiser."
"knowledge of gossip creates the intention of knowing not to help, but to kill and destroy the person verbally."

wrong.

something's wrong with the blogspot website. i've logged into my account and it brings me back to the homepage. happened quite a few times. requested for a password change and they send me a mail which brings me back to the original page where i first started. right.

but now somehow, just somehow, i've login to my account and i'm back! to typing away endlessly, telling you folks stuff which i simply have no idea about, ranting about senseless logic about who i have a bone against, or just a plain complaint i need to get a shove off my shoulder. do i entertain you?

i could just drone anyone reading this about how my day snails through, but that could be the most enduring thing anyone could ever read, as it basically doesn't change. so i won't. i'm just glad to know that national day's coming, my country's a year older and none of it is my business. i just live here.

not that i'm not patriotic or anything, a holiday only holds a meaning and purpose only if it really does mean a heck to you. the significance of national day means more of the day off for me to rest rather than put on a show and say i'm enthusiastic about loving my country on this specific day just because everyone else in singapore is doing so.

when you love something or someone and if you only express it on a specific day, i say that's bull. when you love something or someone, you do it everyday. with love. without reason.

happy early national day. stereotype me.

hmm.

down with a flu yest but i'm not sick to the extend that i can't walk. weather's been erratic these past few days and the atmosphere is really bad all day round. i'm feeling kinda lethargic often nowadays...

i'm pretty disillusioned all the time. can't even make head or tail or what my mind is trailing off to most of the time. sometimes when this happens during work, it could pretty much distract me and the consequences could be kinda painful. physically.

the week's still pretty long ahead. i pray for the strength again. to keep on moving. to ask for His grace that my life is preserved everyday, so long as His will permits for me to wake up and thank Him again for the day. to ask Him to bless the people around me ever more so that the world's gonna end pretty soon.

stupidity is not getting hurt while doing something critical. stupidity is getting hurt when you're not paying attention.