virtual exhibitionists.

someone just told me to visit an individual's blog. told me that it was voted as one of asia's best blogs. i'm curious, so i just went there to kinda look around abit. this person's a mass comm student, after reading around abit, i can definitely say that her writing is pretty witty, intelligent and possess that ability to engage the reader. i was pretty engrossed too.

her blog would have been a real nice one but unfortunately, it isn't. in her entries, i portray her as a crude, immature, shallow girl whose vision is so near-sighted, whose pretty face is merely just a pathetic farce to hide her vulgar personality, who is biased in giving her compliments, who is a shitty teeny-bopper who goes after pretty celebrity faces with persona as lousy as hers, and when her blog gets mentioned as something noteworthy in the papers, she's just as any stupid school-kid i know rushing around to propagate to the entire world that it's worth something mentioning about. if there ever should be one day that she reads this entry of mine, i hope she does lambast me back. that shows how self-centered and defensive she is.

to xiaxue. a pretty face and a good command of vocabulary doesn't make a good journalist. it's reporting what matters. giving priority to facts over your silly whims. to me, you're just a 'lil lower than a retard. they do better.

get a life and get on with it. you're not living one now.
http://xiaxue.blogspot.com

prayers.

gonna have a blood drive in my camp tomorrow. i'm being appalled at the fact that i do enjoy donating blood. not because i'm noble and that potentially it could save someone's life someday, but i do it because i do.

it's getting late. i'm doing sharing this sat on prayer. one of the essential things that i'm more commited to doing every now and then everyday. i like praying. it definitely changes and moves things around my life in a miraculous fashion.

really ought to sleep soon. the night resembles just another piece of canvas in the sky that God efficiently uses to tell us it's bedtime. sweetest dreams to the people i love and those i don't know. God's watching you tonight.

prayers really changes things.
things i thought impossible came to pass through prayer.
nothing will change if nothing is started. start something today. start praying.

dud.

heavy lunches always makes me sleepy. i'm still in camp now and its the break. how i wish i can finish my national service soon..

after i'm done serving, i'm facing another major crossroad in my life. the consideration of whether to work and start contributing to society's workforce and economy, or to go on studying. makes it sound like i'm doing something noble if i actually start working. lolz.

everyone's out to earn their keep, hoping for better days and better lives by earning more. not to say its wrong, but things may blow outta proportions when it starts to control us. i just hope to be a 'lil better, live a nicer day anyhow.

God keep us.

alone.

another day ceases. i'm gonna sleep soon. its been a great day anyhow. thanks to the missus i'm out with. i appreciate God for the people He has granted to me. they've made a difference. touched my life a 'lil. made me smile when i really can't.

i'm all alone now. no one's at home. being alone makes time for me to be clear when everything is silent around me. i get flashbacks often, some of which may be unpleasant. my sub-conscious is always very subjective when
i'm not in the right frame of mind to rationalize.

to all the people out there, please forgive me if i ever do offend you. i cross my words out faster all the time before my brain registers to me that i've said something wrong. it's just me to be so insensitive.

being alone doesn't make me paranoid. being alone makes me free.

nothing changes.

did a few changes to the blog. scripting made easy by html. its a pretty good day i must admit. nothing that's too bad happens. getting to terms with waking up early and sleeping early. feeling fresh is a good thing every morning.

nothing noteworthy to detail, as all the things that revolves around me everyday are relatively sending out a message to what i perceive. that nothing changes.

i still take take a mrt and then transit a bus to my camp.
still eat my meals every noon.
still go thru the tirades of what my course instructor is mumbling.
still run the same route during my physical training.
it's the same everyday today.

God i thank You that i'm still able to do all these. and more.
in heaven, You are You. thank You Jesus.

nothing changes.

released.

somehow i just feel relieved. maybe that the weekend's here, it gives me time to take a backseat and hang around freely a 'lil. just having so much on my hands makes me oblivious to time that's slipping away around me. i gonna keep track of it soon.

i'm not exactly ecstatic, but i'm happy. happy that i could see people again. i love people. makes a great deal of good company. they're not perfect, commits mistakes, careless with their words and so on...but still, they're really precious in my life nonetheless.

i gotta leave soon. i'm losing my ability to translate my thoughts into words again. my vocabulary is limited to the pathetic choice of words i use.

good folks. good people.

cold on the inside.

can't exactly describe what am i feeling right now...like being stung by a chill inside of me. it's the epitomy of things that makes me not understand people or things any longer. maybe.

won't be going home tonight. thank God it's the run of the last series of the duties i have to do. just hope that the mood will ease into the day. sometimes i feel like i don't have any drive in me anymore. i could conclude the reason for me behaving like that is possibly my age, but that's not how i really see it. it just seems that i can't make out much of my life when God's not around.

i feel like a homosapien. yep.

time.

making worth of what i'm doing each and every single passing moment. this is the only entity that i can't recover.

had a great timeout with the missus yesterday. today's her birthday, so i wanna tell her in here how much i love her, irregardless of incompatibility and any other handicaps that might come our way. she's priceless to God. and to me. i love her.

i always contemplate about the time i spend everyday. if ever the things that i do will benefit me or others around me. sad to say, mostly it's not. if i could actually re-project myself into managing my time better, maybe i'll be living it greater fulfilled.

i was told to live for the moment.
i was told to seize the opportunity.
i was told that time doesn't wait.

living for the moment is too near-sighted.
seize the opportunity makes for hasty and sometimes fatal choices.
true, time doesn't wait. so i make sure i don't waste it.

time is timeless to me.

freedom.

 
watched King Arthur this evening. my initial impression which i drew from him was that he's a myth, excalibur was a magical sword, merlin's beard was white and lancelot had long and unkempt hair. in the movie lancelot's hair was unkempt, but it wasn't long. lolz.
 
that's not the whole point i'm writing in tonight about. what's good about the movie was that the freedom they're fighting for, is not to regain their freedom which had them bound for generations after generations, but the freedom to live the way they want, how they want.
 
freedom. that's a meaning everyone desires and believes in.
 
to live the way you want.
to do all the things you ever wanna fulfill.
to not be manipulated or controlled by daily situations, but possessing the power to dictate the outcome.
to live a spontaneous life and not be tied down by a redundant routine.
 
freedom. the way you want it when you want it.
but too much of a good thing can become a bad thing.
i appreciate my freedom to choose. so i choose you.
 

nil.

2:58am and i'm not asleep yet. maybe a year ago or so such nocturnal activity is a norm for me, but it doesn't really apply to me anymore. the body's tired, but the mind's still conscious, making me think of nothing which is really critical or meaningful.
 
fairly a good day, the least i can still see my ceiling the moment i opened my eyes this morning. feels good to be alive. 
 
another day graciously mine to live it through and live it up.
another testimony of His grace.
 
into a weird mood recently. my brain don't register what comes out of my mouth. gosh. this is bad. i need an explanation. something logical to convince me that i'm not going senile. but then again maybe i am. i'm twenty-three already. lolz.
 
running out of things to write about. good. that means my mind's gonna get the shut-eye i need soon. last note. could be crap to you. if it is, don't bother reading it. i didn't tell you to anyway.
 
simple people are easily contented.
they don't question, they just do.
they're essential happy. most of the time. either that they couldn't really care less.
simple people are nonchalant. i stand corrected in this.
simple people are ignorant. i like to correct that. it's because it's not that important enough for me to even bother.
simplicity to me is life lived in a way that doesn't complicate my life. that doesn't give me more problems than what i already have.

 

wings.

carry me.
into the arms of my great savior there i'll be.
come to me.
i will dance among the fields, with a song in my heart,
speaks of joy and revelry.
 
give me wings that i can fly,
far beyond the grasps of the world,
far beyond what i see i am.
give me hope that i can live,
another day to give You praise.
another moment to feel Your grace.
 
carry me Jesus.
 

 

changes.

changes marks new things.
maybe welcoming.
maybe threatening.
changes means re-adaptibility.
the struggle to re-introduce.
the fear of being rejected.
the understanding isn't clear.
i'm defiant of what i feel, devoid of how i should see me really be.

i struggle. but i'll stand ground to it.
holding on.
holding on.
holding on.

identity.

many people identify themselves with certain characteristics that they possess or certain talents which allows them to promote their self-worth, which to many, gives them a sense of self-achievement. they feel that they've accomplished some feat, defeated some inner demons, re-assured their position in the field which people will rant and praise about.

how shallow we are at times. we're all selfish in natural nature by default. fashioned by our own self-esteem, driven by personal aims. we sought recognition of others, approval by the masses, acceptance with the crowds. all these to elevate and numb ourselves. pathetic.

identity to me is not the good of the more that you can do, but rather to me it is the good that you already are.
the good that you had all of your strengths, and all of your flaws.
the good that made you stand out among the millions.
the good that He made you specially and specifically.
the good that He made you You.

that's identity to me.

happenings.

sorry that i've not been posting in here for a while. would love to communicate my dailys with you folks but, the net's down. i could get real pissed and point my finger at a whole slew of human errors and wrongs but heck, the guilty as charged is me. alone.

hopefully everything will resume it's routine, then i could get back to the norm life of not having a normal life when i'm typing or playing some silly applications in front of this screen that exemplifies my noted frustrations. i could wake up the next morning easing into the day better after i've killed something. check that.

note: life couldn't get any better than this. God's still good. irregardless anything. 'nuff said.

i wonder.

sometimes i wonder why do i bother to write in this blog.

maybe it's to kill time.
maybe it's to make myself feel better when i had expressed my thoughts out openly.
maybe it's to justify to the feelings that do me unjust in the day.
maybe it's to fulfill some silly obligations.
maybe it's to make everything that i do plausible.
maybe it's to let you read and strike an image or a sordid impression about me.
maybe it's to let the whole world know i can't write very well.
maybe it's to let me make amends for havoc unforgivable.
maybe it's to make a statement that i know no one gives a damn about.
maybe it's just for your silly viewing pleasure.

i wonder.

shit happens.

just becoz something bad happens everyday doesn't justify the fact that the whole day will stink. my life pretty much suck now, you don't know coz you're not around to see it happen to me.

its good i can type what i want in here. its certainly a more civilised form than just yelling my head off in frustration. typically something bad happens like this today.

someone: "eh dru, what happen?"

me: "no la, got guard duty tomorrow, so abit sian."

someone: "wah piang eh, how many more sia."

me: "seven. sian. don't remind me about it."

someone: "wah you suay la. then after duty got rest?"

me: "no..have to go back to class immediately."

someone: "wah you suay la. still don't have rest siong lay."

me: "yah la yah la...don't remind me about it please.."

someone: "ahahaha okok. eh by the way i lost your FAD."

me: "huh? then i how? guard duty i need lay..wait guard com flame me i how?"

someone: "wah dunno haha...paiseh paiseh...e-mart sold out already right? and you still have SEVEN more lay. SEVEN more."

me: ~~!@#$#%%%!!@~~.........................

shit happens. don't remind me about it.

redundant.

every night marks the beginnning of the end of the day to me. sometimes i can't really comprehend the fact that my life is so redundant. need focus. so much for life.

sometimes we're too distracted by the things around us, too bothered by the circumstances we face, and we're challenged by our flaws everyday. if life could get any better for me, i'll be in heaven.

repetition kills off the innovation inside of me. not that i have much anyway. it's tiring living a life that pretty much repeats itself the next day. but still life is good. coz what i'm lacking, He makes up for it. He's that good. that's a good enough reason for me to re-live each day.

nil. i don't need one.

blogging defined to me is pretty much a space where you tell people your daily happenings. (or mishappenings) to anyone who just might stumble upon this page. wonder if you'll ever regret tho.

i'm not used to this. mistakes makes me smarter if i'm over it, dumber if i do the same shit again. i'm not used to this.

inperfect me.