the shoot.

did my range today. bascially, its where every male singaporean, typically reaching the late adolescent age of eighteen, the government will graciously grant them an education of becoming a man. food and all accomodation is provided for and on top of that, a monthly allowance in monetary terms is accorded to them. very thoughtful of them.

they have their heads shaved bald, freedom restricted away for a period of time, get exposure to having to wake up everyday at five thirty in the morning and stare at every other balddie in your bunk that looks like you.

on top of training you up physically in a miserable fashion, they make you wish your routine life that you had as a citizen such a cherished moment each time you have to return to the to the military camp and the most interesting thing to do is stare and smile at your fellow bladdies again.

they re-define meanings you thought you'll never find another perspective ever, and the term "a classroom without walls" takes on a whole new meaning when you find someone giving you lessons in the great outdoors, complimented and complete with mud around you and rain above you.

at the enduring end of the three months of basic military training, they make you finish it like a man. proud of yourself, proud of your nation. ready to take up the gun and take on the world.

what am i saying all this for? i don't know. heck. i'll lost direction of what i wanted to say today. oh, did i mention that i did my range today?

good evening folks.

disturbed.

i'm pissed. i'm sorry. i'm aggravated to the extent that i'll only feel better after i've dissed my day out. work's not exactly a joy. it's worse when you get stabbed in so many directions that you've lost count.

got a pain in the neck that's totally excruciating. pity it didn't kill me whlist working. everything wrong's working right while nothing right is doing any wrong. i can't change the situation, the way people look at my competency, the race i am, the image i'm donning.

i can't.
not because i don't want to or don't try hard enough.
not because i don't bother.
but because you looked at me in a different light.
your perspective about me is low and shallow.
you viewed me not like how you viewed those you approved.
prejudiced. biased. nondescript you.
but that's you. i can't change, convince and won't bother.
please forgive me for my attitude.

to heck with today.

dumb.

just some thoughts that's running rampant in my mind recently. the purpose of the things that i'm doing.

i can't put on a front very well. if i'm sick of doing it, the results shows my obligated interest in it. kinda like i'm fulfilling it to complete someone else's work.

deadlines are made for me to finish it at the stipulated time.
not if i do it in a shoddy fashion.
not if i do it outstanding.
i just finish it for your sole pleasure.

initiative isn't readily cultivated in me unless i like what i do. effort is useless when you get put down all the time no matter how much you try. it's stupid trying to please someone with something you don't have a clue about. you'll only end up dumber than before when you're trying to explain something you don't have a donkey at all in the first place.

acting smart is ok.
but don't chew on what you can't swallow.

six dollars.

six dollars can get me a whole lot of things.

a meal at a fast food joint.
a few hours at the lan shops.
a venti cuppa at any cafe.
a good read.
a movie on weekdays. (provided i top up abit more.)
i could even get an original artiste cd for six dollars.

but she choose to give him six dollars everytime. what for? just to pay for him to board a cab home after he sends her.

she knows he's tired.
she wants him home early and safe.
what with that money she could save up for so much more. yet she gives.
to bless with what she can provide.
bless her beautiful intentions.

he thanks her from the bottom of his heart.
he wants her to know she will be loved.
he loves her too.

real world.

october already. everything's going through at such a light pace. people around me are all growing up, moving on with life. the only difference between them and me is that i'm falling behind. i think.

my peers whom i've aquainted since young is getting married. kids i know is forwarding their lives' chapter to tertiary education. ministries remain, but people come and go as though being succumbed to the flow of life in which they can't control the situation very much at all.

come next year, its gonna be another big change for me. moving onto the phase which i thought will never really fall into shape when i'm still a kid. i can't be ignorant as i once was. it's not exactly like i can't face up to it but, i feel so very obligated to move into it.

real work.
real decisions.
real major crossroads.
real headaches.

welcome to the real world Andrew.
excuse me while i go face up to reality and scream.

food.

got a pretty nasty sensation today. that is wanting to burp out gas from a heavy consumption of food that's sweet, spicy, salty and awfully hard to stomach. and not being able to. so i combusted internally. in the most discreet manner of course.

up next in the evening, i'll still be attending a dinner conference held at a country club. 10 courses.even if i don't die of a major heartburn, the colossal indigestion will get me anyhow. lolz.

food's good. one of God's greatest creation to mankind. the only sad thing is, if we can actually take time to appreciate what's set upon us instead of hoarding it down like uncultured barbarians, then maybe our food will taste nicer.

i ought to eat slower too.
wait.
i am slow enough.
jireh knows.

it's just me.

would it bore you if i post of primarily what's going on in my life as a routine everyday? what makes a good post? or rather, what makes a good blog?

been around browsing other peoples' blogs and its pretty intriguing. they have all kinda stuff there. from writing up to others about themselves or not it could be their day's events, (or mishappenings, rather.) screw-ups, people they admire or are infatuated with, or being philosophical or political snobs, know-alls. others could be gossiping or being totally irrelevant at all. others it's about thoughts and feelings about issues which only bothers those who bothers to read.

frankly speaking, i don't know what i'm writing too. anything that my mind registers to me first time i'll put it down here. maybe reading what i had written had made your impression change about me. not that i really care anyway.

i just do what i do.
lesser that it is about the things i do here.
of the more the things that i should do for Him above.

another thought. forgive me.
good day to all you critics out there.

the race of the king.

did a sharing with my cell today. shared about us. our group's purpose of congregating every saturday, spending that one and a half hour.

being together for fellowship.
encouraging and spurring each other towards Christ.
sharing of problems and covering them in prayers.
meeting Him.

we're all in a race to attain our reward from heaven in the end. it's not to compete to see who does better. rather, it's to see everyone finish it together as a whole body. not leaving anyone behind. finishing off to a better result compared to when we first started. its an awesome feeling. lets make it happen.

to run the race of my life.
to run the race of my king.

i'm not gonna leave anyone of you behind. i won't let you go.

untitled.

i want to know You.
i want to serve You as You've served me.
i want to embrace You.
i want to stay with You.
i want to dance before Your throne.
i want to talk to You.
i want to comprehend You.

i may fail.
i may fall.
i may not be the nicest one of all.
i may not be the best You want me to be.
but in spite of it all, You gave me Your best,
so that i could see.

that nature is Your artpiece.
that the stars are the decoration,
the skies the canvas,
the cloud and its canopy.
that nothing is made that You do not know,
and everything is made wonderful in You.

Sweetest Father. Lover of my life.

net's up.

hey folks.
net's up.
finally. excited in a silent way i guess. it's been exactly a month since i've been living without the net. wondered how it'll be for you people if you were the ones undergoing the same ordeal as i do. probably you guys would handle it in a better fashion.

to mich and jason: i'm back! really glad lolz. just that my expressions can't really express my joy inside. no really. i'm not kidding you two. i'm really happy, but my sanity's an issue too. any outburst of verbal or physical act of estatic exuberance and i'll be getting all my purpose wrong. net's not God. God is.

will be doing more entries in due time hopefully. i'd like to recount for what i've been missing over the past month here, but there's just too much to start. need to recollect my thoughts abit.

i'm just glad.
tidings to all.