yuck.

i am having a blocked nose now. so bad that i can't even pronounce anything clearly. the next nearest thing i hate most to having a blocked nose is having a runny one. i think both of them piss you in such an annoying way that you'd wished you have no nose at all.

see? i can't even think clearly. gibberish.

sCFSDFGsdcffasdadqwewefr23rrrqr32ferfe12`12@!e23r2r4wt4565egt56yt%TY&^UY45t34r2rdefert45tergdfwfs™

ah.
choo.

ode.

fade away.
the movie plays.
the shadows cast their silhouettes on life and screens each day.
so i find.
another reason being.
to talk myself into believing.
that you were there.

but are you?

movie date.

today's good. got to see star wars with the folks. it was a pleasant time even though its not really a gathering with purpose, but the fellowship that all of us shared was one that really can get closer and closer each day. i really enjoy being out with them.

so much for the movie. i'm not gonna go into details but everything's linked up. it explains the whole trilogy which interweaves itself into the whole story of a long time ago, in a galaxy far, far, away. heh. the plot thickens everytime.

it was wonder being out with them. i thank God for them that they don't see me as their leader or something, but as a friend. and to even accept me into their clique. even though i'm like so old, they don't see me as one. well i hope not.

but then sometimes i wonder what they see me as.

can't think of a title.

back to camp and back to work. i'm suprised that i can still remember how to repair vehicles haha. when you're nearing the end of your liability for the army, you'll tend to take things a little slower. but of course we do not substitute or excuse oursevles not to work at all.

now i'm thinking about my life after army. most probably i'll work. but before that, i'll take some time to meet up with the cell folks. do some soul-searching. plan some stuff. implement some practices. work my way towards what He has placed me there for in the first place.

i thank God for real problems in my life. i can't solve it, and i don't intend to as i don't wish to work things in my way or by my own strength and capabilities. if i were to try any harder and not produce anything at all, its better than way to let God resume control.

God be God in all of His glory.
not of me anymore.

of the world.

i'm stuck at some exihibition for the whole of this week. just on monday we did a presentation to some big shot which by his comments on our work alone would determine how well the rest of the whole event would go. at the end of the presentation he's pretty impressed.

then for the next few days my officers being to slack. and for the remaining period, it seems like we didn't seem to care much for the rest of the crowd that's coming to view our exhibits, and therefore, we didn't entertain them much.

i abhor those that only cares about those that matters to them, but ditch the rest like its nothing significant at all. the world's perspective revolves around the best in a shallow manner, and being hypocritical at its very best.

God forgive me too.
at times when i try so hard to please man.
when i should be pleasing You.

wants.

i'm gonna get a card reader.
so that it could read the silly data in my RS-MMC which then permits me to transfer anything there to everything here.
heck, am i suppose to serve myself an inconvenience to actually get all these things done?

yes.
pay no attention to me.
argh.

typical musings.

i simply have to declare. i'm in a mood that i haven't felt like that for a long time. its putting me in a spot. i love to see it coming real soon, and the anticipation is killing me.

i'm finish my liability soon.

i'm considering my options upon my release from being an underpaid, overworked, waking up in the early morning not having to smell fresh coffee and toast, but fresh brake fluid and transmission oil as part of the ritual scents that i deal with everyday.

while others hear the sounds of nature and enjoy the birds and the trees, i'm being cooped up in my camp being exposed to noises so loud in the workshop it'll make a rock concert's music sound like a piano recital. but thank God all these is gonna end.

so.
very.
soon.

ah God You're good.
You preserved my sanity.
nothing more of any good that i can ask from You anymore.
thank You.

duty.

did cafe duty today. was stumped by the fact that when jireh came under pressure, we added more pressure by adding more pressure unto the already tense atmosphere in the cafe.

but we survived.
we did good.

everyone's nerves is tested and frayed today, but i know we're onto something when we actually work together, its in these times that true emotions and moods show. no one puts on a front and plays a deceiving smile, assuming everything is ok when double orders are made, condiments on the counter are in a mess, everyone's shouting without knowing what they're shouting about and it rambles on. till the chaos looks like an organized mess which everyone agrees that to a certain extent, we really can't do any worse.

what a day God.
but You carried us through the procedure.
and i love you guys anyway.
jireh is awesome.

You.

any of it that shall ever be mine,
sacredly silent, yet thou so divine,
what changed the world devoid which despairs,
made life's meaning anew, with hope and Your flair.

you made everyday something beautiful,
that in Your presence i'll sing and review,
all of Your love and compassion for me,
to a wonderous life, which has set me free.

me.

i am motivated to write what inspired me to think.
reality.
it's really what you get out of what you see in me.
no fronts.
no hidden meanings about it.
just the average me.
with all of the faults.
none of the fine qualities you imagined me to be.
the redundant pattern repeats yet again.
the norm of the social.
the dull among the common.

i existed, yet ignored.
somehow.


i preferred it to be that way.