back on my past.

no.
i'm not talking about my past here. feeling kinda bored so i actually went through my past entries last year. seeing all the previous posts that i've made, i actually wondered if sometimes, was that me who was writing all these?

not to say that i'm impressed at my own vocabulary (which i am totally not), but maybe its in the way i structure my posts. somehow, the style of my writing contradicts the real me that others see me in real life. it doesn't mirror me at all inside this virtual space, where writing and inspirations are free.

if i could do any better, i'll like to re-write my past. but since He doesn't really care as He can make something better today out of my yesterday, why should i bother? He'll definitely accomplish something that's way beyond me. thank You God.

pretty nonchalant on the blog nowadays. the zeal to commit and write somehow isn't there anymore. it's certainly not that i don't have the time, but completing the fact that i'm getting lazier to even post anymore, it makes up for a poor excuse that my brain doesn't co-operate with my logic to write whole sentences anymore.

i am sooo impaled by my disabilities.
someone slap me awake.

persistence prayer produces powerful performances.
interesting.

en.

i can't pretend you don't have a problem and thus ignore you.
i can't tell you that i'm tired even when i want to.

you don't realise that somewhere there's something inside of me.
which gives me the strength, grace for you, it's all i need.

i won't give up or give in to your little whines, whims and ways.
so long as He given you me, i'll hold on.
and persevere always.

you don't have to tell me that everything in this is not meant to be.
coz sometimes all you can really do is in Him,
you believe.

i love you because He first loved me.
that's why i could.

can't get this silly tune outta me.

Now your grandma was someone whom everyone likes,
she brought you a train and a bright shiny bike.
but lately she hasn't been coming to dinner,
and the last time you saw her she looked so much thinner.

your parents told you that she moved to peru,
but the truth is she died and someday you will too.
la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la
la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la

(adapted from Phoebe, played by Lisa Kudrow in the series "Friends".)

purpose.

defined in a prolific way.
sculpted in a most meaningful fashion.
directed towards a visible motion.

re-created to ignite passion.
to admonish all negativity.
is achieve a calling.

to fulfill a destiny.
the destiny of Him.

to the faithful repertoire.

i amass myself of arguably the biggest proportions.
that of which may be rightfully mine.

i sought after things far too lofty for the common taste,
that of which is inexplicably hard to attain.

i stumbled and wallowed into what wasn't meant divine,
so foul, shamed and spoiled, as if mockery has been made in his pastimes.

i bow and end my curtains here,
the show's over, repertoire revered.

yuck.

com's not working.
irregardless all the efforts.
getting restless.
admist so many tries.
fingers cut.
aching back, neck and all.
technology sucks.

yuck.

hide.

i shunned.
the world before me.
the things around me.

i ran.
away from my dearly bereaved.
forgetting the preciously remembered.

i cowered.
at my feelings devoid.
washed up and wasted.

i hide.
away from the shadows which shrouds me.
away from the world which entices me.

duh.

nothing's working right like it should be. first it's my com. that explains why i have't been updating myself in here recently. theoratically everything should function but somehow it's not. talk about selling components that don't work at all. gotta make another trip to get it changed.

sucks.

next is my handphone. another thing i'd love to hate. switches off itself when i don't need it, and rings when no one's calling in. i am simply overwhelmed. appalled at the fact that technology don't respond sometimes.

awesome.

hello goodbye.

2005.
wow.
another year, another year.

gonna do some right this time round.
resolve to lesser wrongs and more rights.
the changing times evolves everyday into something that makes us all smarter.
being aware that progression is just a paraphrase of constant improvement.
to attain what i can't achieve last year.
to make my life more focused rather than lose control and perpetual direction.

goodbye 2004.
you shall be missed.
and forgotten.