inperfect

free.

2007-01-12T16:06:00.000+08:00

my body is free.
not the cords of life that holds or strangles me.
i will dance in Your heartbeat,
abiding by Your side.
to the calling of my Saviour.
my passion loud inside.

my body is free.
not the struggles of this life they bother me.
it's an endless road i take,
staying close to Your embrace.
guide me in my race to You,
Your love it holds me true.

my body is free.

Him and us.

2006-08-22T11:15:00.000+08:00

choices are decided the moment you begin to weigh the options.
since we're called to be a blessing,
what can we make to make others around us better blessed today than they were yesterday?

Him sending.
we sharing.

awestruck.

2006-08-17T19:45:00.000+08:00

You made nature indescribable.
night envelopes the day to create the atmosphere You envisioned.
that ambience which is certainly most inviting.
the sky be your canvas and we're all part of the picture You're painting.

day and night.
earth and sky.
and everything that You contained us in.

You're exceeding amazing.

God.

2006-08-13T00:53:00.000+08:00

you see me the way no one can.
and made what surrounded me beautiful.

that the sea complemented the mountains.
that made holding hands a sight that warms hearts.
that gave kids their inquisitive mind.
that mother birds would feed their young.

it's only You.

national day.

2006-08-09T01:12:00.000+08:00

for the fact that we are still here today.
for the freedom that You gave.
for the lives of all here.
for the wise leaders.
for what You gave them that allows us to do what we can for You.

happy birthday.
God bless our nation.

the cell.

2006-08-04T09:29:00.000+08:00

we really should do something about what we're being told.
the urgency of us wanting to see our loved ones get saved and come to know of Christ really lies in how much initiative we have,
how willing are we to communicate,
how desperate are we to wrest for their souls,
how much we appreciate the fact that His death on the cross redeemed all of eternal damnation.

so how much do we love Him?
and how much do we love them?

state circle.

2006-07-31T01:27:00.000+08:00

we are all in a perpetual state where we decline into a state where logic can't define.
moving head first down has never been any louder.
and we thought it sublime.

now think again.

Him and me.

2006-07-27T21:45:00.000+08:00

i want to emulate Him. like how intricate He is in the details of existing me in His framework. to totally stand me must be pretty enduring that only He can stand and live with. in the people that He involves me in, that alone speaks alot about how much He still thinks of me being His advocate.

man is over the edge.
they can't determine their rights when its pretty much wrong.
if i look to them, i'll respond in disgust.
thats why i look to You.

i do think of my actions.
sometimes.

Jesus.

2006-07-23T12:51:00.000+08:00

help me to look to You.
when nothing seems right.
out of place and sync,
its a norm to lose focus.
and place my ponders.
on what's expected.

help me lose my worries.
that i couldn't say its me.
but the difference made.
is Your play in my life.

so help me please.

none.

2006-07-19T01:38:00.000+08:00

i'm tired.
what you want of me is not what i can live up to.
God help me.

for fun.

2006-07-15T01:12:00.000+08:00

a field of crimson flowers.
a string of broken lies.
the pretty ones contented,
their tales we can't define.

so much has been a mystery.
conceived yet not precise.
thats how the story's ending.
so all would bid goodbye.

directed.

2006-07-11T02:19:00.000+08:00

you thought you understand.
but you misunderstood.
for whose praises are you trying to garner?
why subject yourself to scrutiny and recognition?
why make people applaud and comment your posts?
or you seek console?
from the lament you told?

P.S: its directed at those who knew better.
stop seeking men's attention.
does it last?
beggars.

and i really don't give a damn as to who will read this.
coz they don't need to anyway.

salutations.

2006-07-07T00:28:00.000+08:00

my monitor's screwed. everything isn't appearing the right color it is.
salutes to eight years of faithful service serving my sister and me.
literally.
we hoped you could last longer.

for every.

2006-07-03T01:02:00.000+08:00

for every problem there's a solution.
for every mistake there's always a second chance.
for every hungry mouth there's always a bowl of soup.

for every tear that falls there's always a shoulder.
for every broken heart there's always open arms to embrace.
for every wounded knee there's always a bandage.

for every sorrow there's always comfort.
for every single one he's not alone.
for every sinner He died.

Wai Kiat.

2006-06-29T01:39:00.000+08:00

your 10 favourites.
=============
food: sweet and sour pork chops.
song: alternative. gospel. bossa nova. house jazz.
movie: anything by pixar?
sport: that would be soccer. not exactly playing it tho.
season: none.
day: anyday. so long as God permits me to live.
ice-cream: rum and raisins.

your 9 current.
==========
mood: fidgety.
clothes: streetwear. i haven't washed up.
desktop: custom made.
toenail color: biege?
time: 1.41am.
annoyance: mid semester test in 10 more hours.
thoughts: nothing smart now.

your 8 best.
========
best friend: Jesus Christ.
crush: best crush? i haven't had any. Jean's a love. not a crush.
movie: anything by pixar.
piercing: none.
lie: since when is any lie told being the best?
music: deathmetal. long time ago tho.
car: no car.

your 7 last.
========
cigarette: don't smoke.
drink: tap water.
car ride: a taxi last night?
crush: don't have one.
movie seen: cars by pixar.
phone call: to Jean.
CD played: i listen to CDs. i don't play 'em.

6 have you ever.
============
date one of your best friends: i'm doing that now. and for life.
broken the laws: nope.
been arrested: nope.
skinny dipped: nope.
been on TV: nope.
kissed someone you dunno: nope.

5 things you are wearing.
=================
- my tees.
- my slacks.
- my specs.
- my briefs.
- nil.

4 things you have done today.
====================
1. typing this out.
2. studying for my test later.
3. it's a good distraction.
4. and a perfect waste of time.

3 things you can hear now.
==================
1. my fan.
2. my typing.
3. the definitive silence.

2 things you can't live without.
=====================
1. God.
2. Oxygen.

1 thing you do when you are bored.
========================
- stone.

notice this entry is for your viewing pleasure.

Youth Alive.

2006-06-25T23:37:00.000+08:00

their spirit is awesome.
God.
i can't describe You.
but my heart and soul and spirit does.
thank You.

God radicals.

2006-06-21T22:58:00.000+08:00

one more day to the radical conference. i want to be expectant of the things Jesus can do. we can only move as far as His spirit leads. none the more, or any less. when we allow Him to perform, we achieve so much more for Him.

may God burn in us a new calling of passion for Him again.
so let Him take the steering wheel in your life.
take a backseat and let Him.

them.

2006-06-19T02:13:00.000+08:00

misguided intellect leads to the haughty,
while serving themselves a righteous reason to reject what the eyes of their heart can't see.
agreeing that the truth is only a cynical theory.
bypassing Him that could very well save.

them which is not us.
but them.

games day.

2006-06-17T23:48:00.000+08:00

to anathan, the two michelles and mr ong:

thank you all so much for helping me accomplish what i can't do alone. your dedication, presence and assistance to me in the games day speaks heap volumes. i really couldn't have done it solo.

thank God for you all.
wonderful folks.

overload.

2006-06-14T00:45:00.000+08:00

i can't think much.
the overloading of information is apparently so huge that i can't handle. with all the projects, assignments, meetings, everything screams attention simultaneously.

how i wish i can duplicate an intelligent copy of myself.

darn.

2006-06-11T21:27:00.000+08:00

you lost me.
for a moment, i thought you wrong.
but forgive me for not being able to read you like i'd do a reference book.
if i could.
you wouldn't have lost me.

get real.

2006-06-08T14:13:00.000+08:00

the very reason is defined by our motives.
while some had something to say publicly,
others had secrets to hide.

if ignorance kills, being a hypocrite might save you for the blushes.
but not your life.

excuse me.

2006-06-04T01:07:00.000+08:00

when resources becomes unavailable, any brilliant idea i might have gets thrown outta the window.
i feel restricted at times.
it is inapt that i should feel this way.
and i know it.
so feeling sorry isn't an excuse when you can't produce what you expected.
this is a bad conduct of mine.
please excuse me.

question.

2006-05-30T01:25:00.000+08:00

it takes nothing from us to ask, but something significant could occur when he makes that decision.

are we afraid?
or can't we care less for whoever they spend the rest of their end with?

lets rethink and examine ourselves.

only You.

2006-05-26T23:32:00.000+08:00

Jesus.
You have an answer for everything You do.
when i can't share Your perspective,
You always show me why.
even when i doubt and question,
i tried to see argue.
to reason.
to alter and change it my own way.
but You didn't mind.
You had a better plan.
You had a higher agenda.
all i could ever know.
i give them to You.

impact me.

2006-05-22T01:39:00.000+08:00

it has been awhile since i am enrolled into poly. what can i say? i missed studying more than waking up earlier than anyone everyday, going to camp which sets me doing a whole ton of mindless stuff.

we appreciate God for these privileges. but most significantly, we must give thanks for the new day and that air that we breathe.

awesome, awesome privilege Jesus.
thank You ever.

haha

2006-05-18T23:25:00.000+08:00

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i am so justified in this.

limitations.

2006-05-14T01:12:00.000+08:00

the very barriers of our movement is limited to the logic remembered by the mind.
the lack of our ability to communicate is constrained by the harrowing pride.
the loss of motivation disarms our agenda and strengthens our excuses.

someday.
this handicap is gonna kill me.

bad.

2006-05-10T22:19:00.000+08:00

its not easy when you have a friend who disses everything you do and say.

what's to make it worse is that i potentially have acknowledged him as my mate for the next three years. couldn't things get any worse when every possible comment turns blantantly sour with him challenging me verbally.

everyday.
well, almost.
God.
i wonder how You do it.

matters that matter.

2006-05-06T09:37:00.000+08:00

what matters is not what we want.
or what we could perceive.
not how much we achieve.
or to meet the status quo.
not living up to carnal expectations.
or playing up to it.
not revelling in what's temporal.
but looking at a higher agenda.

stop being shallow.

2nd Corinthians 4:18 "So we fix our eyes not on the seen, but on the unseen. for what is seen is temporal, but what is unseen is eternal."

its them.

2006-05-02T23:12:00.000+08:00

i wonder why some perfectly good folks can be such an enduring pain sometimes. if that doesn't take enough to convince me that these are the very ones that He loves, He will make me wish i hadn't really complained so He can give me more.

its easy to love people who doesn't make your life a constant draining chore. so what do we do about the others?

those who that don't respond.
who don't appreciate.
who don't reciprocate.
who couldn't care less.
who blantantly rejects.
who makes a negative merry.

God.
how do You love these?

sorry.

2006-04-28T21:08:00.000+08:00

i must share to you.
i must try to tell you He loves you.
i must say it even when you made fun of Him.
and His ways.
and Him in my life.
even when i decide to harden my heart.
even when i tried to defend Him and choosing to ostracize you.
even when i want to boycott you out of my life.
yet He said no.
even when you said those things about Him.
that what He would say to you.
when He tried to love you despite my saying no.
the heart that would break that's not mine.
but His.

forgive me that i can have a chance.
to tell you about Him again.

Amazing You.

2006-04-24T00:06:00.000+08:00

nothing can comprehend.
the measure of You.
words don't even describe close the nature of You.
indescribable are You.

all my life.

2006-04-21T13:24:00.000+08:00

surely goodness and mercy will follow me.
all the days of my life.
surely goodness and mercy will follow me.
all the days of my life.
i will bless
i will bless
i will bless the Lord.
all the days of my life.
i will bless
i will bless
i will bless the Lord.
all the days of my life.

its not hard at all.

2006-04-18T16:57:00.000+08:00

what we would trade for something that's invaluble at the present for the future priceless.

what we would give for something insignificant when we kick the bucket over something that releases us what binds us?

better remedy our thoughts with His word today.

yes Jesus.

a thought.

2006-04-15T17:33:00.000+08:00

the superficially challenged creates an issue that isn't serious at all.
those are the mundane shallow.

so we know what you crave now.
show it.

okay.

2006-04-12T21:08:00.000+08:00

you could be drained.
i could be wrong.
when i did offer assistance,
you snapped.

so how was i supposed to know not helping you would make your day better?

we all feel unappreciated at times.
but God sees.
that's a good thing.

thank you.

2006-04-09T23:58:00.000+08:00

something small means everything big when you gave me everything out of nothing.

i love you.

peace i find.

2006-04-06T01:48:00.000+08:00

so blinded none that's so divine,
shake the dust and all goes fine,
tilt back on the rusty clock,
share the peace and all that's gone.

broke beyond the crimson cross,
fearing now what i've once lost,
hoping for Your love divine,
take my pain that's all inside.

i look upon my fallen cause,
bowing low in my remorse,
saying that i am not weak,
Your holy presence is all i seek,
fade into the symphony,
tearing down my broken dreams,
fighting tears i cannot hide,
so fornlorn,
so torn inside.

find my peace.

appreciate you.

2006-04-02T00:11:00.000+08:00

some things are better said now than never.

ivy - you have a big heart in a small frame. no digs, honest. thank you for supporting me and believing in me even when i can't, even i seem to go hapharzardly wrong, or when i really can't be bothered. you're there to tell, remind and correct me. politically or not. you made that difference in me. thanks vies.

anathan - like my little bro blessing me in big proportions. you get the definition. and you know when i correct you, it means i bother to point out where you might be wrong. coz i love you. stay focused alright.

yikai - your attitude amazes me. keep that insatiable passion for Jesus coz when you're faithful in what you're doing now, He's gonna amaze you more than you amaze me. count on it.

lo - trying as times are, we have to keep in sight of the boat. even when we feel we're in a sinking situation. i know that you're an overcomer. keep running.

jesslyn - 2nd Corinthians 4:18 says, "so we fix our eyes not on the seen, but on the unseen. for what is seen is temporal, but what is unseen is eternal." my life's verse, i give to you. keep your flame dancing and stay alive in Him. He has so much more for you than what you can expect out of yourself. the girl dancing in the open flower fields.

jeremy - your presence really encourages me. don't let your age be your snare but always believe and hope for the better things above, way above this life. its my pleasure working with you. you're a great.

adelene - its the sweetness about you that makes you generate charisma which draws people to you. use it for His purpose alright? stay on with your zeal in Jesus.

Lie Zhen - your coming to the Lord really encouraged me. my prayer for you is that you'll continue to draw closer to Him each day that you will understand His love and plan for you in your life. love you bro.

Juncheng - i thank you for your faithfulness in coming, even at times when you might have difficulties understanding, please bear with us. i pray that one day all the questions of your heart will be unlocked by the Father Eternal. love you too. press on.

i love all of you with a brand of love that only God can truely give to me.
i love you guys.
lets grow and move on.

wow.

2006-03-30T01:02:00.000+08:00

been reading through my past entries.
are those written by me?

i'm not chim.
not deep.
at all.
that's not a reflective oxymoron.
really.

i am not scary.
talk to me.

Jesus.

2006-03-25T00:53:00.000+08:00

the tale of the tearing lady.
leaving joy,
tearing sorrows in her heart.
fearing day that she can't face it all,
distress and in need of her hero she calls.
not today, for the dust doesn't fall.
not on the shelves, but onto the floor.
welling up all,
her feelings inside.
broken and crushed,
she feels so denied.

"what is this pain that is just killing me?
isn't life fair, with hope and be free?
all of my life is like walking the stairs,
i can't finish them, i live in despair.
help me out Lord, and come set me free.
that i might live in Your arms, that You helped me to see.
that beyond all human comprehension can find,
the greatest love You gave, is not of our kind.
ours is shallow, but Yours is so deep.
that You gave Him to die, that we all might live."

indeed.
He gave it all.
that we all might live.

thank God.

2006-03-21T01:17:00.000+08:00

i'm confused.
seems like when you begin to devote and give God the time of your day, He will bless you. literally.
too much that, i'm in a dilemma now. another job offer came along with better pay and a better work enviroment.

You gotta help me on this.
it's a happy problem, at the very least.

grats.

2006-03-18T11:52:00.000+08:00

to Juncheng and Liezhen,

thank for making the most wonderful and decisive decision of your life.
that's the greatest gift we could ever offer.
beyond all.

God bless you two.
our journey begins.

dud.

2006-03-14T15:04:00.000+08:00

sometimes i get tired of writing coz i wondered if anyone ever bothered to read at all. i know everything posted here is often subjected to scrutiny and criticism, but free speech should be allowed. certainly not in a senseless fashion of letting our tongues lash fury and folly all over, but to make yourself sound that you can still drive and your point without impending over your cool.

i think there's two extremes in people who are furious.

1) incredibly vulgar retards whose vocabulary is hopelessly limited,

and,

2) intellects-with-the-i-know-more-bombastic-phases-and-words-that-will-make-you-look-like-a-noob.

conclusion for both in the end?
shallow and immature.

the empty vessel makes the most noise.
leaking airheads.

where now?

2006-03-11T22:19:00.000+08:00

if we're called to something great which we should achieve in this life to prepare us for the other, we'll only diss ourselves for missing the plane just to smell the rotting roses.

where your heart is where you'll call that place your home.

my meaning? go figure.

collect dust.

2006-03-07T18:21:00.000+08:00

things don't come your way if you're content to just sit around and wait for kingdom come.

they happen when we bother to ask.
when we care to do.
if we're not making excuses.
only if we try.
when our mouths make our words understood.
if we stop procrastinating and shrug it off for another day.
when the moment is now and not tomorrow.
when the extra mile is really the extra mile we went.
when we're doing something out of our petty convenience.
if only we grow up and stop pointing fingers.

are we?
thats why we got a brain to facilitate and a mouth to articulate.

help.

2006-03-03T14:09:00.000+08:00

i need to find a job soon. savings depleting like i'm draining them away faster than i can account myself for. expenses is always on the rise when you're learning the value of money on spending it on food of different prices and different taste.

so? they're still food.
what's wrong with me?
whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

exasperated.

2006-02-28T23:38:00.000+08:00

recovering from the end month sickness. only to usher in another tide of new bearings and objectives that i cannot come to terms with. it only magnifies my problems, adding more to the current existing ones.

sigh.
i can't multi-task,
can't finish what i've started,
can't state the obvious more than enough,
can't exonerate how i feel about doing everything seemingly endless.

i wanna be multi-limbed.
help.

many me.

2006-02-26T19:18:00.000+08:00

its amazing how God created us. while a portion might be those who always creates a movement and leave nothing at the voids, majority plays that role in being the faithful followers of those who walk as blindly to what they can even see.

i'm subjugated in many different fashions when it comes to being in the many facades. its not that much of hiding a mask i wear and doing a farce, but in whatever conditions my style changes me to not suit, but complement the crowd.

i feel like a chameleon.

work.

2006-02-22T21:55:00.000+08:00

i need a job like chicken lays their eggs.
like cows give milk.
like birds that feed on worms.

i better get about to doing something and earning my keep before my sanity blows away with what am already expressing.

2006-02-18T17:27:00.000+08:00

what am i supposed to write that will have you digesting my post without your scruntiny?
you want to be entertained? fine.
you want more than what i could give that pleases the manipulative you.
words are more than mere mimicry of your atrocious profile.
stop your facade.
you're not a puppet so don't mimic another persona.

you're entertained? clap then.

happy V's.

2006-02-14T22:56:00.000+08:00

i hope you do like what you've read and see coz its my reflected on words to you as a whole. much as i know my words meant more than actions could ever say, i'll try to keep them in tandem. we've gone through so much that occasions like these shouldn't be treated as anyday special.

but it's whom i've spent it with everyday, every date.
you.
i love you.

happy valentine's.

nothing more.

2006-02-09T20:36:00.000+08:00

re-percussions of progress and re-inventions only means nothing more than stale ideas are re-packaged.
when we combine creativity in tandem with a driving logic, we displace the conventional and the safe grounds.
we could be heroes.

take care.

2006-02-05T23:56:00.000+08:00

having recollective memories about people whom i've come to aquaintance in my life. i must say that each and everyone of them holds something special that i'll cherish them about. even as some leave, some move on to other ministries, i wanna sincerely thank those that have worked with me, made my life a 'lil better and easier.

i express my appreciation with to you a belated toast.
farewells are nothing till you're there to speak your goodbyes.
not that i can't forget you when you're in close proximity of me.
you're remembered from a distance.

on this note.

2006-02-02T11:40:00.000+08:00

deriving what my point is at exactly.
i apologize to those that of recent times, i may tend to overlook you and even in the process, may wound a feet or two. but i never truely intended for that to be so. it's not your fault but mine.

when i appear nonchalant they say i don't bother or care.
that what i do isn't enough. to their expectations.
well for one thing off the record, you were not even there when i do.
so stop dissing me off.

stupid music.

new year.

2006-01-31T00:10:00.000+08:00

traditions don't change.
that's why there's always reason for joy where we celebrate reunion.
gatherings that are meaningful.
where people reminiscence.
admist the red packets, gourmet food, festive spirit and good cheer,
something remains.

the sincere reception.
happy chinese new year folks.

heh.

2006-01-27T18:55:00.000+08:00

i was in a lift with a cute 'lil kindergarden girl and her maid. they stayed a floor above me.
as i exited from my floor, this is their conversation.

girl : "walk out?"
maid : "no."
girl : "climb stairs?"
maid : "no."
girl : "exercise?"
maid : "no."
girl : "pleaseee?"
maid : "NO!"
girl : (in a hurried manner) "okay okay okay okay."

you should have been here.
amazing how God makes His little bundles of innocent joy.

all day.

2006-01-25T23:52:00.000+08:00

i stretched out my hands and danced.
electrifying.
the passion created by the very momentum of my being.
so still,
myself.
i am ambiguous.
i know much more.

but lacking volume,
i contradict.

question.

2006-01-20T01:26:00.000+08:00

everything thats unfamiliar seems threatening.
but if we are able to comprehend that changes are necessary for a better something,
we'll find that the risk of moving along is more feasible than the deadlock of being behind.
i thank everyone that decides to embark this with me.

now,
what will you do?

true strength is shown when we are faced with an uncertain tomorrow.
and living through it.

hee-haw.

2006-01-16T10:48:00.000+08:00

letting people overwrite you is another that they ride upon what seemingly is your strength, they exploit it for their own good and see it as your weakness to gain advantages for themselves from you.

being good-natured is one thing.
being a donkey is another.

Being up on what you have to.

2006-01-12T20:22:00.000+08:00

so everyone pulls out of infancy, unto being an inquisitive toddler to becoming a foolhardy school kid who feels every ready to conquer and proclaim the world his playground.

they develop social tendencies which makes them ignorant to follow what's morally acceptable and right. Mind games were prevalent even when they reach adolescence, and so condone everything which is plausible and right into an exhibition of skepticism.

so they always deem themselves politically right at every childish frame of mind which rectifies their reason to move and make stupid mistakes which seems ever so right in their own lingo.

grow up and get a life.
we're pathetic beings.
so there God is.

all that You do.

2006-01-08T22:16:00.000+08:00

i'm not ashamed of the gospel.
i'm not ashamed of Him.
i'm not ashamed of Him in me.
that He died.
that i lived.

Jim Elliot: "He is no fool who gives up what he cannot keep [this temporal life] to gain what he cannot lose [eternal life with Jesus Christ]."

with my hands lifted high.

2006-01-04T23:15:00.000+08:00

can't figure out why did i named my title as that. i can't seem to control anything that revolves around my life. the circumspect of things isn't always fair, and the more i try to grasp and expand the areas of concern, the more i seem to lose ground over there.

i really can't be bothered anymore.

God, be my answer.
not the alternative no more.
so much for people.

new day.

2006-01-01T13:59:00.000+08:00

its a new year.
i'm not making up for what i've missed out in the past months by posting incessant entries anymore but to begin everything where i've last stopped.
may 2006 be something better.

hello world.
the old me has expired.

don't need one.

2005-12-30T13:59:00.000+08:00

*blows off the dust*
back.
(:

cut some slack.

2005-06-29T22:23:00.000+08:00

has been a few days since i am discharged from my service. mopping around at home sometimes isn't all too bad, just that it kills all motivation for me to actually get anything real done.
and i'm starting work too in a few more days in some location i've not even heard of before.
i hope i don't get lost.

not that i don't venture and gain nothing.
the stupidity of making the same mistake twice actually makes the person smarter on the third attempt.

thank You Jesus.

2005-06-25T12:18:00.000+08:00

ORD loh.
its over.

hoho.

2005-06-20T14:03:00.000+08:00

a few more days before i finish my national service. doing some last minute clearing from my camp locker before i leave anything behind which i'll regret.
how two years have passed by and with so many thing happening over the past periods, everyday becomes significant. just that i don't reminiscent that much.
much over and done with.
i'll tell more in a few days.
feeling weird.

yuck.

2005-06-16T07:31:00.000+08:00

i used to abhor the system and hate the chores.
now i realised something even more.

i'm living in it.
how i wished i could live in a sporadic momentum in time.

not linked.

2005-06-13T00:15:00.000+08:00

"perfection is like poison to the simple."

i can't believe that a cup i drank from an hour ago can be completely dry now with not even a single tinge of water given the fact that the moisture in singapore is ever so present even on a hot day.

i am horrified.

help.

2005-06-09T18:56:00.000+08:00

i run away from reality.
i am always living in illusion.
i wish to be disenchanted.
i want to break off the shackles that binds me.

i fail more than i am accepted.
i can't fulfill in the very least of my responsibilities.
i can't do any better now than what i am already doing.

oh God.
help.

ho yeah.

2005-06-05T09:49:00.000+08:00

ho-hum.
another day.
just like any other.
the birds still fly and fill the skies.
the market still goes on about its daily business.
the buses still travels and ferries people to their destined destination.
the rain still pours down.

me?
i'm a high on non-depressants.
i'm the very critic of my social appearance.
i look good when i look disheveled.
i flatter myself when i am outdone by others.

but wait.
there's a purpose in living everyday.
not to gratify yourself with silly whims and selfish desires.
but in expressing a chance to give at every channel.
in lighting up another person's life that's out of our routine.

there has got to be more to life than just life itself.

to Jesus.

2005-06-02T15:09:00.000+08:00

Lord I'm amazed by the love that You give.
on the mount of cruxificion.
You laid Your life down for me.

the mercy You have given me.
is more than I need.
I am saved only by Your grace.
thank You for the cross,
my savior.
lead me to the place,
of communion.

nothing in my hands I bring,
simply to the cross I cling,
for all that You have done for me.
this love song I will sing.

only You,
can fill,
the vaccum in my heart.
only You,
can love,
me like no else.

I will run to You.
I will run to You.

this song speaks volumes.

yuck.

2005-05-31T23:43:00.000+08:00

i am having a blocked nose now. so bad that i can't even pronounce anything clearly. the next nearest thing i hate most to having a blocked nose is having a runny one. i think both of them piss you in such an annoying way that you'd wished you have no nose at all.

see? i can't even think clearly. gibberish.

sCFSDFGsdcffasdadqwewefr23rrrqr32ferfe12`12@!e23r2r4wt4565egt56yt%TY&^UY45t34r2rdefert45tergdfwfs™

ah.
choo.

ode.

2005-05-28T20:53:00.000+08:00

fade away.
the movie plays.
the shadows cast their silhouettes on life and screens each day.
so i find.
another reason being.
to talk myself into believing.
that you were there.

but are you?

movie date.

2005-05-25T23:33:00.000+08:00

today's good. got to see star wars with the folks. it was a pleasant time even though its not really a gathering with purpose, but the fellowship that all of us shared was one that really can get closer and closer each day. i really enjoy being out with them.

so much for the movie. i'm not gonna go into details but everything's linked up. it explains the whole trilogy which interweaves itself into the whole story of a long time ago, in a galaxy far, far, away. heh. the plot thickens everytime.

it was wonder being out with them. i thank God for them that they don't see me as their leader or something, but as a friend. and to even accept me into their clique. even though i'm like so old, they don't see me as one. well i hope not.

but then sometimes i wonder what they see me as.

can't think of a title.

2005-05-22T09:25:00.000+08:00

back to camp and back to work. i'm suprised that i can still remember how to repair vehicles haha. when you're nearing the end of your liability for the army, you'll tend to take things a little slower. but of course we do not substitute or excuse oursevles not to work at all.

now i'm thinking about my life after army. most probably i'll work. but before that, i'll take some time to meet up with the cell folks. do some soul-searching. plan some stuff. implement some practices. work my way towards what He has placed me there for in the first place.

i thank God for real problems in my life. i can't solve it, and i don't intend to as i don't wish to work things in my way or by my own strength and capabilities. if i were to try any harder and not produce anything at all, its better than way to let God resume control.

God be God in all of His glory.
not of me anymore.

of the world.

2005-05-19T20:46:00.000+08:00

i'm stuck at some exihibition for the whole of this week. just on monday we did a presentation to some big shot which by his comments on our work alone would determine how well the rest of the whole event would go. at the end of the presentation he's pretty impressed.

then for the next few days my officers being to slack. and for the remaining period, it seems like we didn't seem to care much for the rest of the crowd that's coming to view our exhibits, and therefore, we didn't entertain them much.

i abhor those that only cares about those that matters to them, but ditch the rest like its nothing significant at all. the world's perspective revolves around the best in a shallow manner, and being hypocritical at its very best.

God forgive me too.
at times when i try so hard to please man.
when i should be pleasing You.

wants.

2005-05-15T19:06:00.000+08:00

i'm gonna get a card reader.
so that it could read the silly data in my RS-MMC which then permits me to transfer anything there to everything here.
heck, am i suppose to serve myself an inconvenience to actually get all these things done?

yes.
pay no attention to me.
argh.

typical musings.

2005-05-12T23:46:00.000+08:00

i simply have to declare. i'm in a mood that i haven't felt like that for a long time. its putting me in a spot. i love to see it coming real soon, and the anticipation is killing me.

i'm finish my liability soon.

i'm considering my options upon my release from being an underpaid, overworked, waking up in the early morning not having to smell fresh coffee and toast, but fresh brake fluid and transmission oil as part of the ritual scents that i deal with everyday.

while others hear the sounds of nature and enjoy the birds and the trees, i'm being cooped up in my camp being exposed to noises so loud in the workshop it'll make a rock concert's music sound like a piano recital. but thank God all these is gonna end.

so.
very.
soon.

ah God You're good.
You preserved my sanity.
nothing more of any good that i can ask from You anymore.
thank You.

duty.

2005-05-08T22:24:00.000+08:00

did cafe duty today. was stumped by the fact that when jireh came under pressure, we added more pressure by adding more pressure unto the already tense atmosphere in the cafe.

but we survived.
we did good.

everyone's nerves is tested and frayed today, but i know we're onto something when we actually work together, its in these times that true emotions and moods show. no one puts on a front and plays a deceiving smile, assuming everything is ok when double orders are made, condiments on the counter are in a mess, everyone's shouting without knowing what they're shouting about and it rambles on. till the chaos looks like an organized mess which everyone agrees that to a certain extent, we really can't do any worse.

what a day God.
but You carried us through the procedure.
and i love you guys anyway.
jireh is awesome.

You.

2005-05-05T19:32:00.000+08:00

any of it that shall ever be mine,
sacredly silent, yet thou so divine,
what changed the world devoid which despairs,
made life's meaning anew, with hope and Your flair.

you made everyday something beautiful,
that in Your presence i'll sing and review,
all of Your love and compassion for me,
to a wonderous life, which has set me free.

me.

2005-05-02T23:47:00.000+08:00

i am motivated to write what inspired me to think.
reality.
it's really what you get out of what you see in me.
no fronts.
no hidden meanings about it.
just the average me.
with all of the faults.
none of the fine qualities you imagined me to be.
the redundant pattern repeats yet again.
the norm of the social.
the dull among the common.

i existed, yet ignored.
somehow.

i preferred it to be that way.

with my words.

2005-04-30T00:18:00.000+08:00

i tried.
but you said i was incompetent.
you said i was incomplete.

i worked at it with all i could.
you said i had no creativity.
you said i wouldn't go far.

i had to entertain you.
you said i was preoccupying you.
you weren't amused.

do i own you with whatever i have?
do i make you seemingly pissed, that you had to resort to this?
do i make you hate me?
do i not answer the questions you gave me myself?

you don't.
i am what He's made me to be.

not you.

Jesus.

2005-04-27T23:35:00.000+08:00

its always easy to thank God in times when you're prospering in all areas and everything is simply a rose.

but what about when you're hard up, desolated, out in the cold and being alone lingers and leeches on like some burden up your back?

if we can't appreciate God our thanks in bad circumstances, what right do we possess to say we're all about His love?

the world needs more real people who bothered to care than any fancy present heroes.

the world needs You.

Jesus.

baaaaaaaad.

2005-04-24T22:55:00.000+08:00

the weather's getting to everyone. mum doesn't allow us to crank the AC so we have to settle for dirty fans which probably blows out more dirt than wind.

did a round with my sister.

me: oui. don't adjust the fan la. i want it.

sis: don't neow la. just awhile i super hot now.

me: please la. this fan so small already and your big frame's blocking it out then i blow what? siam la.

sis: oui what you mean i big frame? i'm your SISTER ok. please respect me.

me: respect you? respect my ass.

(what followed briefly was a conversation that turned sour. and violently physical.)

bad weather.
it gets to everyone nowadays.

friday practice.

2005-04-22T23:18:00.000+08:00

i love watching 'em.
the crazy antics they do.
the camaraderie they share.
the talents each individual possesses that God has blessed them so much with.
the togetherness.
the real self without the farce and the mask.
the laughter they had.
the things that they're serious about.
the music they did.
the reason they gathered.

all to exalt our Jesus in spirit and in truth.
Z3, i thank God for you all.
salutes.

reflection.

2005-04-19T19:53:00.000+08:00

reflection is only worth recalling when you have improved where you have first started.
when you knew that you have moved on where you've last picked up.

only then is reflection worthwhile.

welcome back.

2005-04-16T23:41:00.000+08:00

bryan came back to jireh today. thank God. we're really happy that he's trying to pick himself up and give it another shot. on top on that, he's brought jesslyn in too. that's sweet. its amazing how God works in peoples' lives to actually draw them back to Him.

beyond human comprehension and logic.
He works in a fashion that only He is capable of.
an identity which is solely marked His work.
i thank God that He made things happen in His time.

bryan: you were gone and you left us without a reason. the only explanation that i could give is that God gave you that initiative to come back, and you know what? it's been awhile.

welcome back.
we love you.

wow.

2005-04-13T20:34:00.000+08:00

recently the weather's really challenging my nerves. everyone's on a roll to kill something to make themselves feel better. work's not improving, and i can't be very productive with a hot head and slurred senses. i mean it.

just a few days that she's gone and already i'm missing her. i can't account for what is happening to me. just that i missed her alot. the only comfort that i am offered is the fact that she will be back after it all.

better get cracking on my daily happenings to you. i'm certain you will love what you read. keep doing what you do best there.

you're missed.

peeps.

2005-04-09T22:53:00.000+08:00

God: for bringing me past these years. without You there wouldn't be the existence of me.

folks: my family has been a source of support that carries me. i've got good folks.

Jireh: you guys are my reason for staying on. that i can serve God by serving all of you. its my greatest honor. i love all of you.

mich and phee: thanks for the bottle. another two awesome peeps in my life.

En: the light and love of my life. thank you. i love you.

it's a good birthday.

ho.

2005-04-08T00:00:00.000+08:00

happy birthday to me.
happy birthday to me.
happy birthday to me.
happy birthday to me.

so i'm an airhead.
haha.

ugh.

2005-04-07T21:18:00.000+08:00

i am so burned. collectively i'm draining myself out mentally everyday engaging in incessant indulgences. tired is an understatement to describe the state of my mind now.

i feel like i'm having a time-bomb strapped on.
any moment of mistake would incur an implosion.
i'm not stressed but its downright getting to me.
feeling intoxicated by myself.
repulsed.

she's leaving.

2005-04-03T23:31:00.001+08:00

she's leaving for kazakhstan on the 10th. gonna miss her while she's not around. only when people are gone do you actually wished they had stayed.

only when they're gone then you'll realise that you should cherish them better.

27 days. i'll be seeing you soon.
my prayers will be with you.
take care en.

someone.

2005-03-31T20:15:00.000+08:00

great ideas which impacts today's technology often originates from primitive conceptions which are modified.

that is what makes man so smart.
and intellectual.
and proud.
and haughty.
and full of himself.
that he assumes he's above God.

bah.
that is bull.
wake up and look at yourself.

certainly don't look divine.
God is God.
you,
just be you.

a prayer.

2005-03-27T23:04:00.000+08:00

surely goodness and mercy will follow me,
all the days of my life.

i will bless.
i will bless.
i will bless the Lord.

all the days of my life.
and i shall live by His ways and walk by His side.
and i will dwell in Him in His house.
all the days of my life.

23rd March.

2005-03-23T23:37:00.000+08:00

so what happened? i can't recall much but on the whole, its a pretty sweet saturday like any other else.

i'm not complaining about it. i liked the day therefore i'm penning it down here. just so that i could fill up the space of words here and make it look like an entry other than getting to what happened today.

because i can't remember.
that's why i'm compensating by telling you today is great.

i can't remember.
don't bother asking me why.

freed.

2005-03-19T19:07:00.000+08:00

if God could cause me to be disembodied.
i want to.
far away from anything else that matters to the world.

i am free in Him.

snort.

2005-03-16T20:59:00.000+08:00

visuals are comprehended by the physical eye and the social mind.
art is appreciated by the masses, but the critics speak of another kind.
style is embraced by the secular, who compromises flesh over authenticity.
unnatural flair, is dishevelled and desolated by mere hypocrisy.

if you want art.
do it yourself.
what you create is what you'll appreciate more than anybody else.

disgruntled.