with my words.

i tried.
but you said i was incompetent.
you said i was incomplete.

i worked at it with all i could.
you said i had no creativity.
you said i wouldn't go far.

i had to entertain you.
you said i was preoccupying you.
you weren't amused.

do i own you with whatever i have?
do i make you seemingly pissed, that you had to resort to this?
do i make you hate me?
do i not answer the questions you gave me myself?

you don't.
i am what He's made me to be.

not you.

Jesus.

its always easy to thank God in times when you're prospering in all areas and everything is simply a rose.

but what about when you're hard up, desolated, out in the cold and being alone lingers and leeches on like some burden up your back?

if we can't appreciate God our thanks in bad circumstances, what right do we possess to say we're all about His love?

the world needs more real people who bothered to care than any fancy present heroes.

the world needs You.

Jesus.

baaaaaaaad.

the weather's getting to everyone. mum doesn't allow us to crank the AC so we have to settle for dirty fans which probably blows out more dirt than wind.

did a round with my sister.

me: oui. don't adjust the fan la. i want it.

sis: don't neow la. just awhile i super hot now.

me: please la. this fan so small already and your big frame's blocking it out then i blow what? siam la.

sis: oui what you mean i big frame? i'm your SISTER ok. please respect me.

me: respect you? respect my ass.

(what followed briefly was a conversation that turned sour. and violently physical.)

bad weather.
it gets to everyone nowadays.

friday practice.

i love watching 'em.
the crazy antics they do.
the camaraderie they share.
the talents each individual possesses that God has blessed them so much with.
the togetherness.
the real self without the farce and the mask.
the laughter they had.
the things that they're serious about.
the music they did.
the reason they gathered.

all to exalt our Jesus in spirit and in truth.
Z3, i thank God for you all.
salutes.

reflection.

reflection is only worth recalling when you have improved where you have first started.
when you knew that you have moved on where you've last picked up.

only then is reflection worthwhile.

welcome back.

bryan came back to jireh today. thank God. we're really happy that he's trying to pick himself up and give it another shot. on top on that, he's brought jesslyn in too. that's sweet. its amazing how God works in peoples' lives to actually draw them back to Him.

beyond human comprehension and logic.
He works in a fashion that only He is capable of.
an identity which is solely marked His work.
i thank God that He made things happen in His time.

bryan: you were gone and you left us without a reason. the only explanation that i could give is that God gave you that initiative to come back, and you know what? it's been awhile.

welcome back.
we love you.

wow.

recently the weather's really challenging my nerves. everyone's on a roll to kill something to make themselves feel better. work's not improving, and i can't be very productive with a hot head and slurred senses. i mean it.

just a few days that she's gone and already i'm missing her. i can't account for what is happening to me. just that i missed her alot. the only comfort that i am offered is the fact that she will be back after it all.

better get cracking on my daily happenings to you. i'm certain you will love what you read. keep doing what you do best there.

you're missed.

peeps.

God: for bringing me past these years. without You there wouldn't be the existence of me.

folks: my family has been a source of support that carries me. i've got good folks.

Jireh: you guys are my reason for staying on. that i can serve God by serving all of you. its my greatest honor. i love all of you.

mich and phee: thanks for the bottle. another two awesome peeps in my life.

En: the light and love of my life. thank you. i love you.

it's a good birthday.

ho.

happy birthday to me.
happy birthday to me.
happy birthday to me.
happy birthday to me.

so i'm an airhead.
haha.

ugh.

i am so burned. collectively i'm draining myself out mentally everyday engaging in incessant indulgences. tired is an understatement to describe the state of my mind now.

i feel like i'm having a time-bomb strapped on.
any moment of mistake would incur an implosion.
i'm not stressed but its downright getting to me.
feeling intoxicated by myself.
repulsed.

she's leaving.

she's leaving for kazakhstan on the 10th. gonna miss her while she's not around. only when people are gone do you actually wished they had stayed.

only when they're gone then you'll realise that you should cherish them better.

27 days. i'll be seeing you soon.
my prayers will be with you.
take care en.